I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
