Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
