just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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