If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
