I think my vagina is haunted
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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