Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
