I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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