Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
