I like my sex mixed with concussions.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
