Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
