I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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