Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I stole a fireplace last night.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
