That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
