Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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