I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
