Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
