Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
