Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
