just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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