I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
