Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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