I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
