She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
