bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
