She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
