The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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