Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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