I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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