Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
