Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
