I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
