I'm so fucking centered right now
are you so shy because you have an std?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
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