By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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