we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
