The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
