sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
