Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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