She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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