He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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