is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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