does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Your penis caused this!
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