that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
