the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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