Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
