i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I think your dad took our porno
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
