I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
