Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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