Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
