I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
