Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
