if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
