i don't like sucking hair
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
