When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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