I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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