I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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