It's like God shit irony all over that family
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
