That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
