I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
