I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
