I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
