I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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