I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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