i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
