apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
