I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i wish my penis had a tongue
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Randomize
