we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
