Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
She even gives head with a lisp.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize