With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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