Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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