so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
