Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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