We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
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