I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
