My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
