I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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