just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
