those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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