i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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