I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize