I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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