I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
