Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
