I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
