I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize