i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
