Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
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