We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I think weed is turning my hair brown
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
